I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
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