you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
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