I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
