fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
