Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
