Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
