it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Randomize
