Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
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