HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Randomize
