Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
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Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
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Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
you made out with another girl for some wings
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle