I never want to see another naked old woman again.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.