I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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