Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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