apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
