oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
