wrigley field is MILF paradise
I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
