It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
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