according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
