My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize
