we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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