So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
