it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
