Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
