Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
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