Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
