I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
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I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
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Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
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