my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
