One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
