you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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