Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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