I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
that may or may not have been my penis.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
