White coat. Heels.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Randomize
