I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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