i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
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