Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
