due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
