Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
