That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Blood and glitter go together right?
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
