Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
