i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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