that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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