just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
i out mim tonsoeep
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
