Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
