Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
