this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I stole a fireplace last night.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Randomize
