I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
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