obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
