what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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