Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
