she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Randomize
