I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Randomize
