Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
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