I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
