OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
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