Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
