she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
