cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
