i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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