Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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